oh it's been so long......................

oh i feel so bad for ignoring this blog for so long. i have wanted to write, but the insperation, the words, my feeling were just not there. i have been suffering from a bad case of the writers block, and i hoped to help myself out of it by writing every day, but all i did was ignore the problem, and so it became the elephant in the room with me. but last nite, i was laying down to go to sleep and i happened to be listing to beautiful by the smashing pumpkins (big suprise huh?) and it was like there was a brake in the wall........................................



the room was quiet, and i lay in bed, warm, comfortable, and listing to the smashing pumpkins, beautiful came on, and as soon as i heard billy's voice.......... the strangest thing happened, for about 2 seconds i was back in 1997, flashes of a sunny day, people i was with, and a feeling of pure happiness. in just a few notes my mind remembered things that i haven't thought about for years. when i bougt mcis, i listened to it almost non stop for the next few years. and most of my memories of late high school have a smashing pumpkins song from mcis attached to them. yes i listened to gish, sd, and pi, but it was mostly mc for me. and still is, when i am down i can put on tonight, tonight, and for a while, nothing else even matters.
but in those few fleeting moments i could feel the time....................and the time felt good.
alot of days i wish my life was as simple as it was back then. the days turn into months and the months into years, and i wonder where i am going. life takes us on a very strange path. i wonder where my path will lead??? and in ten more years when i listen to G.L.O.W. will i get the memory of sitting in front of my computer, on pins and needles wating to hear the studio version? or will i remember being in the palace with a great friend, hearing billy sing it to us for the first time, cause despite all of the live recordings i waited till louisville to hear it.
i want to be able to attach great memories from my life with smashing pumpkins songs, because smashing pumpkins have been such a big part of my life for most of my life. without thier music, i don't think i could be the person i am right now, and the person i strive to be everyday. and things are always better when your listing to sp. and to those who might not love sp as much as me, and might not understand why that band, that feeling, is so important to me, i say, just listen to the music, with no preconseptions, and tell me that it doesn't move you, it dosen't stir your feelings. if you can say that, i say that you have no soul.



so hopefully my two readers (yes natascha and sorrowclouds i am talking about you) will enjoy this little essay, and that anyone else who happens to stumble upon it will enjoy and if you haven't listened to sp lately, you should.